Vitamix reviews are everywhere, but none with Paul Hogan in them. “Paul who?” you say. Does Crocodile Dundee ring any bells? If not, then either you’re too young or you’re not getting enough ginkgo biloba (just kidding). Paul Hogan is the actor who played the character of Mike “Crocodile” Dundee in the quite forgettable but somehow popular 1986 movie of the same name. Let me save you two hours of your life and direct you to the following and only scene worth watching.

First of all, Dundee did that guy a favor. That outfit is something nightmares are made of. But secondly, how great was that line? “Thatznawtaknife….” And then he whips out a giant sword from who knows where and goes all Zorro on Tito. Brilliant!

Chances are, if I came to your house and asked for a smoothie, you’d pull out an appliance you call a “blender.” I’d then channel my inner Dundee and say, “Thatznawtablenda…” and I’d magically whip out my Vitamix and say, “Now thatza blenda!”

Vitamix Review: Your blender is not a blender

I want you to forget everything you thought you knew about blenders because  you’ll see from this Vitamix review that you’ve been misled, duped, snowed, tricked into thinking you owned one. What you own would like to be a blender. It may even have the word “blender” on it. It probably has the similar shape, spinning blades, and the noise of a blender… but it’s not… not really. It’s like the difference between someone who plays golf and someone who is a golfer. Your gadget might blend, but it’s not a blender.

Enter the true protagonist, the Vitamix. Here’s what it’s not: Cheap, small, or quiet. Let’s call a spade a spade. This thing was not designed by Apple (though they’re getting better looking!). It takes two hands to lug around. And it could wake your neighbors. But it’s all worth it. Why? Because this is a multi-purpose blending, grinding, mixing, juicing, milling tank meant for real culinary warfare… and it will not be detoured. And best of all, it makes you want to eat healthier.

Vitamix Review: The Basics

Vitamix Review: the base. The Vitamix base is available in black, white, silver, and red. The Classic has a shape from the early 80’s (needs something to hide the 2-peak HP [1380 Watts] motor). And rather than opting for fancy schmancy digital controls, it sticks with two switches and a speed dial. You have  a “High/Variable” speed switch on the left, the speed adjustment dial in the middle, and an on-off switch on the right. That’s it. No timer. No useless pulse button. Just the basics and trust me, it’s all you will need. Having used one of these, I would never opt to go back to something with digital controls. These allow you all the fine tuning you need without the fuss and muss of pointless options you’ll never use.

Vitamix Review: the carafe. The carafe is a little fancier. Available in 3 sizes (32, 48, and 64 ounces), it’s made of a BPA Free Eastman Tritan® copolyester with measurements on the sides. It has a great rubberized handle making it easy to hold even when wet. The rubber lid is vented for steam, gently snaps on with a push, and has a removable cap so you can add ingredients while blending. The hole in the lid also allows you to use the included tamper to push food to the bottom of the carafe when the food is too scared to go down on its own.  And the blades are laser-cut stainless steel hammermill and cutting blades, which simply means that they laugh at food that gets in their way. Put it altogether and we have an appliance we use 2-4 times a day, making it our most used appliance, with exception of our refrigerator.

Vitamix Review: Uses

Vitamix Review: Shakes and Smoothies

We use it daily for our Shakeology and post-workout drinks including P90X Results and Recovery Formula. Just  like I change my workouts to prevent plateauing, I like to change up my Shakeology to keep from getting bored of it. One of my favorites is The Elvis: natural peanut butter (or PB2), 1/2 a banana, a scoop of chocolate Shakeology, 8 ounces of skim milk (or almond milk) and 5-6 ice cubes, and in 10 seconds, I have a perfect shake.

We use it regularly for smoothies as well. Every week, we make smoothies for our kids. And the more they get involved in making something, the more they’re likely to enjoy it. We normally use fresh spinach as a base and have added everything from cottage cheese (which we would not recommend… live and learn) and yogurt (which I would recommend… you want smoothies to have protein in them, not all sugars) to bell peppers, sweet potatoes, zucchini to frozen tomatoes and strawberries and smoothie cubes (left over smoothies that we freeze and use later). All these smoothies take less than 30 seconds to blend and the consistency is spot on every time… after all, with the manual dials, you’re really in control.

Vitamix Review: Baby Food

It’s also great for baby food. We have a 4 month old and when he is on solid food, we’ll be Vitamixing most of his food. We’ve already made applesauce for our other kids and it turns out fantastic. We cut up the apples in quarters (don’t even need to core it if you don’t want) and add a touch of cinnamon, and seconds later, applesauce. We leave the skin on because of the extra nutrients! The baby food will be done the same way.

Vitamix Review: Kid Food

Speaking of apples, do you like apple juice? Don’t buy a juicer, buy a Vitamix. Juicers are one trick ponies, a pain to clean up, and inefficient. With a Vitamix, you get to use the entire fruit so there’s no waste of leftover produce (pulp, skin, etc). The truth is, juicers leave a lot of nutrients behind (which is also a waste of money I might add). That’s not the case with Vitamix. Just add the whole fruit and some water until it’s a consistency you like! The combinations are up to you and you can’t get any fresher.

Vitamix Review: Sound

It doesn’t stop there. I make soup in it as well. Actually, let me rephrase that… I can make and heat up soup in it. The blades spin so fast that it literally will heat up your soup (hence the vented lid for steam). Throw in some skim milk, cooked chicken (canned will do), white beans, and a little cheese. Blend ’til hot and season to taste. You’ve got cream of chicken and bean soup with all of 5 or so ingredients and the kids loved it!

Vitamix Review: Nut Butters

We’ve also used it to make peanut butter. Yep, all natural peanut butter. Bought some peanuts from Costco and put a cup or two in the Vitamix, get out the tamper, and in 30 seconds or so, we have warm, creamy peanut butter (if you like it chunkier, just blend it less). Store the peanut butter in the fridge in some kind of plastic container. We’ve only done that once because Costco makes it too compelling to buy their natural Kirkland brand peanut butter.

However, I’ve made other nut butters using my favorite nuts. The Vitamix doesn’t discriminate. It crushes, pulverizes, and utterly destroys any nut it meets. I’ve even made trail mix butter by putting in my homemade trail mix  (peanuts, almonds, walnuts, cashews, pistachios, raisins, and dried cranberries… no chocolate pieces!) and blending it till I’m happy with the texture. Goes great on whole grain toast or bananas.

So the Vitamix can handle it all: from soup to nuts! Hot and cold. Wait, cold? Did I mention it can make ice cream?

Vitamix Review: Desserts

That’s right, ice cream, though it has more of a texture of a sorbet. Add 1 cup of whole milk (or skim if you’re watching the fat intake), a pound of frozen strawberries, 1/2 teaspoon of vanilla extract, and 1/3 cup of sugar (though I prefer honey) and blend until the top forms 4 mounds. You might need to use the tamper for a bit but once it gets going, you’ll be on your way to fresh ice cream with no extra preservatives or chemicals, all in less than 60 seconds.

Vitamix Review: Conclusion

It’s not often that a kitchen appliance is life changing, but as you can see from this Vitamix review has the potential to be just that. I look for excuses to use it (which I probably should give our Vitamix a name because “it” is so impersonal… from hence point forward, thou shall be called Maximus… or Max for short) because I know every ingredient going into my food, how it will turn out, and cleanup is a cinch (a quick rinse, add some water and a bit of soap, blend again for 20-30 seconds, and dump it out). Furthermore, it comes standard with a 7-year warranty… standard. And one more bonus, Vitamix is made right here in the U.S.A. (Cleveland, Ohio. Being in Louisville, Kentucky, I’m very tempted to make the 6-hour pilgrimage to the factory).

Vitamix Review: Ordering

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Now that’s a blender!